The Great White Waaaaaaaaayyy
2006-02-23/6:43 p.m.

For a while my nightly routine was to watch two back to back episodes of the Golden Girls on Lifetime (usually while writing or something) and then fall asleep on the couch. It was a pretty good routine. It reminded me of why the Golden Girls ruled so much for one thing. I watched that show so much as a kid because my grandma loved it. I thought it was so risqué. Well, what I didn’t know was that it was way ahead of it’s time. In a few weeks I saw an episode about gay people, prostitutes, and fostering children. Don’t forget that this was the 80s and the show was aimed at basically 50-100 year old women.

For another thing, it gave me tons of sweet Lifetime commercials to watch. Watching Lifetime, I saw more ads for feminine lubricant, lotion, and movies starring Jo from the Facts of Life than ever before. One ad really struck me though. It was an ad for the musical Chicago (yes, that musical is still playing after like a gagillion years). It’s a regular old ad with Bebe singing All That Jazz….. and then the words “Now starring John O’Hurley!” What?!?! That guy from Dancing With the Stars who can’t dance? Yes! That’s the one.

That guy. Is going to be in Chicago. The wooden actor whose whole act is about how wooden he is. And they find this to be something worth bragging about. Picture that guy above in a show that looks like this:

No. It just doesn’t make sense. I wonder if there is a single person buying a ticket based on the fact that they heard he’s now in it. I also wonder if he’s playing the role Joel Grey did before. Maybe next he could play the Emcee in Cabaret. That would rule.

Living in NYC I have all this “great” theater at my fingertips and yet I never go out and see anything. Mike and I had a meeting at Mtv last week (which is in Times Square) and afterwards we walked through the theater district. I had no idea about 99% of what was playing. Ralph Fiennes is in a show! I had no clue.

Two things I do know though are that Grey Gardens is being made into a musical
(though the opening date seems to keep changing) and the freaking Ann Rice book “Interview with a Vampire” was made into a musical too. ”Lestat” with music by Elton John and Bernie Taupin. Yes, this is real. Not just some fever dream I had when I was sick and living on my couch.

I wonder if all the goth kids are going nuts for this. All the goth, and closeted gay teens outside of the Halloween Adventure Store will probably flood the theater every night. And though I know it’s not possible, I really wish that this show was full of big, bright musical numbers like 42nd Street…. except with VAMPIRES!! Singing and dancing VAMPIRES. Oh, how badass that would be. That would get me off my butt and out to see some theater!








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