My sleep schedule has been terrible lately but on Friday night Megan and I stayed up all night and that really threw things outta whack.

Last night it was 4am and I was still up so I decided to watch Law and Order and try to sleep. At 6am I woke up on the couch and moved to the bed. At some point my doorbell rang and in my sleep state I assumed it was the mailman or something and chose to continue sleeping. Then it kept ringing. Then my brain processed that it is Sunday and the mail doesn't run... odd. And it kept ringing. I checked the clock and it said 7:42 and I immediately panicked that it was 7:42 in the evening and I had missed an entire day and that someone was ringing the doorbell wondering if I had died.

I opened my cell phone and it said 7:42am. Interesting... maybe someone I know was drunk and locked out? Why wouldn't they call my phone? Odd. I decided to put on pants and open my apartment door and look out. It's some guy in a black fishing hat, sunglasses (despite it being stormy and dark outside), a long blue tattoo under his right eye and a ZZ top beard, staring through the building door. I certainly had never seen that guy in my life.

I asked him what he wanted and he just stared. I told him to go away and let me sleep and he just stared. I came back inside and locked the doors and laid back down and called 911. That guy really creeped me out and he didn't leave when I came back in. I could peek out my bedroom window and nothing had moved. I told the dispatcher that there was a creepy guy leaning on my doorbell (and during this call he rang the doorbell another 20 times so she heard it anyway) and that I had never seen him and that he wouldn't go away. She asked if I wanted the police to come in and I said no but I'd love it if they could drive by and ask him what the heck he wants.

15 minutes later he is STILL LAYING ON MY DOORBELL but has also upped the ante to running into my front gate and pounding on my windows and air conditioner. Charming! Larry was at the beach... Nato doesn't live on the block anymore, and he's on tour... I was trying to think of who else I know in the neighborhood who would gang up on this guy with me. I decided to call my super since he lives a few blocks away and his daughter lives upstairs so he'd be worried. He was all "don't open the door, I'll be right there!" and hung up.

I heard him walk up and ask the guy what he wanted (while he guy continued to ring the doorbell). I couldn't tell what the guy said just that Frank just told him to leave and that I wasn't appreciating the bell ringing. Then Frank rings the bell and I hear him ask me to come outside. I go outside and he asks (Frank is an older Italian gentleman from Brooklyn who is no-nonsense and really abrupt when speaking)-

Frank- "Did he sleep here last night?"
Me- "what??"
Frank- "He says he slept here last night and that you have his bag with his wallet and passport in it."
Me (totally confused)- "I've never seen that guy in my life.'
Frank, whispers- "Oh, I believe you"

The guy at this point is on the other side of the street watching us. Frank calls him over and tells him that he has the wrong house and that he clearly wasn't at my apartment and that we don't know each other. The guy was all "just give me my passport, okay!!!" and we were both confused. He kept saying he was in a bind and needs his shit and to give it to him.

I told him I was awake until after 4am and that he has never met me before and that I have nothing of his. He said he understood that but still, he needs his passport so we should give it to him.

Frank looked hilarious. Like he wanted to laugh but was so confused about what the hell was happening he decided to hold it in. Finally the guy said "nevermind!" and walked off. That was just as the police pulled up. I told them what happened and they guessed it was the weirdo who just walked passed their car and they thought he was a meth head. They said they'd pick him up and call me to make sure he hadn't come back later (they did).

It was so weird!

At 11am I finally fell back to sleep and then had weird dreams and woke up at 4pm and my sleep schedule is now worse. Great. Now it feels like those weird hours were a dream. A bizarro dream.

It felt kind of shitty to have no one to call to help. I texted reno when I was stressed out and never heard back. Like 10 hours later he wrote back a joke. Great. Ah well, I handled it myself I guess.

Frank was all "I'm glad you didn't open the door for him, he's strung out or something." And I was all "oh please, I didn't open the door AND I called the police." I watch law and order, man, I know the deal. That guy easily could have killed me with a machete (what happened on the law and order I was watching when I fell asleep).