That was a sign that Sarah and I saw at Hooters by grandma's house a couple of Christmasses ago. This is what my dad and his girlfriend will be needing tomorrow.

Christmas happened. I am a grump about things because grandma and I ended up making breakfast mainly by ourselves while dad's girlfriend's kids made out with their boyfriends in the living room (yes, that happened. One was laying completely on top of her boyfriend when I came downstairs and it was icky to the maxxxxx) and never even offered to help. Then grandma and I made the dinner (with a little bit of help from Sarah) while no one helped and we had to clean up after them while they were out.

All they did was expect meals and then make messes for us to clean up when they left rooms. I mean, we could just leave the mess, but people were coming over and it's also gross. We would never, in a million years be allowed to do crap like that but they just walk around doing whatever they want, making out with their boyfriends and leaving their garbage everywhere. Oh, and when I was 18 my boyfriend wasn't allowed to sleep over. hhahahahahahahahhaha. When did this start??

My dad's girlfriend claimed, while tipsy with dinner, that they've been engaged for six years. That's the first I've heard of it and dad tried to change the subject and then she said "are you surprised??" Uh, yeah, I am. Six years ago she wasn't living here and her kids wouldn't enter the house, so yes. Oh, and if my dad was really planning a wedding he would have mentioned it to ..... oh, I don't know... HIS KIDS. I got pretty mad.

Oh! Then she told me that he's paying for her kids' insurance and has them on his benefits. WHAT?! The older one will barely speak to him and has never liked him and yet he will be paying for her to have benefits until she's 25. Lucky her! You know who would have loved that? Me. She gets free rent, free car and money in her bank that she doesn't earn and her phone bill paid and now free insurance while she's 21 year old.

The younger daughter's boyfriend is the biggest sad sack eyeore that I've ever seen and I dated Mike for 7 years (bud ump bump!). He's also a low monotone, complaining about his life or asking someone to warm him up or rub his back or bring him a drink or saying that there isn't anything for dinner that he can eat. I can't stand him at this point and leave a room when he enters it with his downer eyeore energy. The other boyfriend seems nice enough but he did the weird thing of giving a very sweet present to Amanda in front of all of us with a long, sentimental card while she sobbed in front of everyone. UNCOMFORTABLE. He also might be a secret murderer. One of those guys who everyone is like "he's so nice" but then he's arrested with heads in his fridge... if that ever happens let the record show that I was on to him from the start.

He wanted to take a photo on his iphone last night and his weirdo girlfriend did her hair for it and then art directed every shot until she was happy with one. Her sister took the photo and delivered the hilarious lines of "smile... like a normal person" and "aww, you almost look genuine in this one." The sister is the funny one in case it's not clear.

I realize that I sound like an incredible scrooge but I've been working in the dang house since 10am while barely anyone helped. It also pisses me off when grandma cleans up or cooks and no one helps her, god that is rude. I asked Tawnya to put foil on the cookies they were taking to their grandma's and her answer was "I don't know how to foil things." Um....that can't be possible. I couldn't even sit down and watch a movie today and I'm freaking on vacation and it was Christmas. That is bullshit.

I dropped an F bomb while talking to grandma today and she said "well, Crystal really tells it like it is." She is the best.