A lot of writing and very little talking about television.
2006-10-31/12:22 a.m.

I have been preoccupied for the past, let’s see, more than six months now with where I’d like to live in the future. It was thinking about the LA move that really got me going so it must have been more than 6 months ago. Mike and I have talked about it a lot, but every time it ends the same way… with no idea. Either separately or together.

Here’s the issue: We both love New York City and love(d?) living there. But it is not a place we could ever afford to buy real estate in (we’re being realistic) and where we would not and could not have children. Mainly due to expense and resources, really. And then a little bit of thinking raising kids here seems weird and abnormal (whether that is actually true or not is besides the point). I am a big believer in public education, and in NYC there are some great public schools, in incredibly expensive neighborhoods, so just getting the kids in the district is not really something I could count on.

Now we’re in LA and neither of us think of that as a settling down place. More like an in-betweeny. The more I talk about this the more it becomes apparent that many of my friends are at the same place in their lives right now. Even just thinking about where they’d want to buy a place. When you buy a place you should live in it for at least 5 years, say finance books. Where will I be in five years? That’s the problem. I have no freaking clue.

With a couple you have to both agree on the place too. Which is even doubly tough! Unless you find this one dream place that both of you love equally and then that’s that. Or you find the best place you could afford and realize that makes sense. Being an adult is too hard. My dad chose where to live based solely on school district. He drove far to get to work everyday, just so we’d be living in a good school district. He doesn’t even love the neighborhood. Now that his lady is finishing her PhD they are talking about moving and he seems completely unsentimental about it. I wish I could think about it in such black and white terms. Then it would be so easy to just pick a place.

Kim has suggested something genius, that is actually a version of an old plan that was devised when we were in college. Back then we decided that we should rent out a big house, or a 3 family or something, and each floor be a different group of us, and then we’d get old and die together. While that has not been in the cards, the new plan would be to pick a not-quite-suburb (this is how people talk themselves into moving outside of NYC… with blatant lies) of NYC to settle in. But all of our group of friends would have to pick the same one so that seeing each other is still easy and then whatever place we chose would be infinitely more fun. Easy! It’s a great plan, but enacting it would be pretty much impossible.

I was watching the Bachelor tonight, and there is a girl who is like 27 and has this three year plan that includes having kids by the time she’s 30 (I think a 25 year old on the show has the same plan? I can’t keep them apart), even though she is quite single right now. That’s hilarious. And almost, well, totally delusional. And guaranteed to scare the crap out of anyone she dates in the next few years. She may be the one who, on what may have been her first real date with the bachelor tonight, tried on a wedding dress that she has had fitted for her wedding day (remember: she DOESN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND). He was quite rightly, scared out of his mind at this sight. She was proud of herself for showing him what a catch she is and how worthy she is of marriage. Really. She really thinks that men think this way. That seeing a lady on a first date, trying on wedding dresses and talking about the big day, is a secret turn on for them that lets them know you are marrying material. Good luck with that three year plan, lady!

Then I realized that I am worried about choosing a place to live based on kids that I don’t have yet. Uh oh, have I also been riding the crazy train? At least I have a boyfriend (of 6+ years, thank you thank you) and am thinking in five year terms. Even though I totally admit that it sounds crazy. Just talking about the future and buying real estate and kids sounds crazy coming out of my (or my friend’s) mouths, to me.

In sort of related news, my dad turns 50(!) tomorrow. I clearly remember throwing him a surprise party for his 40th before I left for college. Even Valorie was talking about that party on Sunday. It was like yesterday. That means I have been out of high school for ten years. HORRIFYING. Not because I am old, because I am well aware of my extreme agedness, well beyond my paltry number of actual years lived. Yeah yeah, I’m a crotchedy old lady. I know. But, horrifying because it really doesn’t seem that long ago to me until I sit and think about it. Hanging out at Sharon’s apartment, shooting short films for fun on the weekends and generally wasting time. That seems like forever ago. I was an adult then. Some of my adult life seems like a long time ago. This is bad news. And I fear it will only get worse.

My sister turned 25 today, so she was born a few hours before my dad’s 25th birthday. I mentioned that to him and he said “I know! What was I thinking?!”

Some bad news that came today is that my aunt’s mom has stomach cancer and it’s much more serious than they had thought (or hoped?). This lady* has always been extraordinarily nice to me. And in the 20 years I have known her she has looked the exact same (my aunt also has these anti-aging genes, unfortunately she is an aunt by marriage). I find it shocking that she’s in her 80s. My dad told me last night that this lady’s mom died in her 100s, and only because she was hit by a car. She was in great health. Amazing!

So, now that I have ruminated on responsibility and aging and sickness, I will stop before I bring people down too much or force people to realize how much they are wasting their money each month by paying rent.

(*I wouldn’t call her “this lady” by the way if I had any idea how to spell her name in English. I am not being rude, I swear)


A note I found in a drawer.
The Extra Lens and Adultery.
Books are beautiful.
Ira Glass made me feel better about things.
Something that happened yesterday.