Bad Movie Day! Ann, Jenni, Amy and I got together with the two dogs and watched "The Ugly Truth" and "Obsessed."

Holy crap was "The Ugly Truth" bad. It was almost a parody of a movie. The guy who is a total misogynist ass... what's his big story? Oh, he's had some bad relationships and decided that there is no such thing as a good one. Okay? There was no chemistry between anyone in this movie. NONE. Very little made sense. The woman is a "career" woman which is like the worst thing ever. He just tells it like it is and says that women who are alone are alone because they're ugly and probably fat. SHOCKING! The truth really is ugly! Oh wait, why is this guy right about anything? Why should we think he's right? We shouldn't.

On a purely technical note this movie had incredibly bad cinematography. The scenes ranged from dark orange to light orange 70% of the time. Shudder.

Gerard Butler has no comic timing or charm. Katherine Heigl's character made little sense. She lies to this guy and is totally not herself and he falls in love with her so she dumps him for falling for it. What?! She dumps him because she was dishonest and weird. Sounds fair. Oh, and there is a totally weird scene where she wears vibrating underwear to dinner and a kid finds the remote and works her into an orgasm at her business dinner and she let's that happen. It was as horrifying as it sounds. Jenni, hilariously, wondered if vibrating underwear would really be so effective. Fair point!

There is a throwaway part where her news (oh wait, I forgot to mention that she is a local news producer and this douchebag with a cable access show about how women are idiots and men like to bone gets a segment on the news that has nothing to do with the news...) show needs a new horrible guy to do a segment from a terrible dude's point of view and a bunch of guys in cargo pants and flip flops show up to audition. The one they cast is pro-rape! And immediately starts talking about how "no doesn't really mean no" on the air. It was a weird throwaway scene that was horrifying.

Also, why does anyone care what these guys think? I'd rather be single forever than ever touch a guy who lives in flip flops in his parent's poolhouse. Katherine Heigl's character starts the movie feeling that way and then, due to no real reason or chemistry, falls in love with the turd. This will only make these kinds of guys think they're charming and smart and interesting. Gag me.

Then it was on to "Obsessed" which was promoted as a Fatal Attraction-like movie. It turns out that it's more of a Hand That Rocks the Cradle-type movie. An insane woman just goes after this dude and tries to ruin his life despite him never boning her or even being interested in her at all. "White, Slutty Temp" could have been the alternate title of the movie.

There was no backstory in this movie! You will wonder why this woman is insane and who this guy is and you will be left wondering because the movie doesn't address these questions at all. There was a bonus feature where the writer talked about how he just wanted the characters being where they are with no context or backstory. Okay? Also, the studio head wanted this movie, told him exactly what he wanted it to be like and then hired him to write it. Sounds like a hit! The writer said "so I knew this movie would be made and I took the job." HAHAHAH. He did not want to write the movie, he took it just to have something produced. Hollywood is hilariously transparent.

There was also a detective in the movie who was doing an "investigation" even though there had been no crime... yet. A psychic detective? Who knows! Those details were not shared. We'll never know. Beyonce had weird hair but got to wear t-shirts and glasses and fly off the handle at her non-cheating husband and then also beat up a crazy lady. Not too shabby. This movie was infinitely better than "The Ugly Truth" while also not being very good. It's funny how that can work.