Time Warner continues to be horrible and now they've given me free Showtime for a year in response to my service being messed up or out for a month. I am noticing that Showtime is 80% soft core pornography though. Now I know why Big Brother After Dark was on Showtime! Ay-yi-yi.

There is one on right now that is called ... wait for it... Sexually Insatiable about a group of friends? I don't know. I am fast forwarding but it all takes place in one house. What is really the difference between soft core and hard core on most levels? It's negligible, right? The budget on this was probably 10k and it was probably shot in a weekend in some house they rented in the valley. Sounds like porn to me!

The girls "flirt" by basically sucking on their finger while pouting and saying "I wish we could hang out" and when the guy says "maybe tonight?" the remind him to "bring a condom!" Oy. One? Yes, pack that single condom. I wonder if they bought it in Gloucester, MA where the Pregnancy Pact taught us that condoms are sold in singles only. (full circle!)

All the guys look like either high school art teachers in birkenstocks or serious guidos. SEXY! The guys are also basically silent while the women do all the talking, flirting and sex sound making. The guys really have a sweet deal here. What an easy, if totally weird, job. These guys also appear to be like 40 so this is like a career more than a job. Scary to think about.

My favorites are the acting scenes. Each friend retires to a bedroom to bang some dude while the other friends hang out around the pool or in the kitchen discussing their boring boring lives. Then the recently sexed one arrives and they're all "tell me EVERYTHING!"

Wait! This guy just said "I've seen you around campus." Are these people supposed to be in college? I don't believe that he's been in college for 20 years or that any of these girls can read. Lordy. They girls all just walk around topless, asking to borrow clothes and bras. Now they're all changing clothes together while they argue- just like I am always doing with all my friends. One also, was wearing a bra while doing it, took off her bra to put on a tight t-shirt to go out to dinner in. Classy move.

Double wait. Is there no male nudity in these movies? A guy just had a towel draped over him while he was naked. There seems to be full female nudity allowed. That towel scene also ended with a close up of a painting of a mountain. Imagery? I guess?

"How would you feel about getting to know each other better?" RUNNNNNNNNN. He won't be able to catch you in those birkenstocks, trust me. She didn't listen and now they're doing it on the 20 dollar duvet cover that I bought for Mike's apartment before I moved out. What was it I was saying about the budget... oh yeah, it was low.