This year- Days two hundred fifty six and seven. (Baby on Board)
2010-03-13/3:10 a.m.


Since having free Showtime I have watched some bad movies (one was totally unwatchable, calld "August," written by Howard Rodman) and a few Tyler Perry movies.

Right now there is a real clunker on and it's called "Baby on Board" and it stars Jerry O'Connell, Heather Graham, John Corbett, and random others like Lara Flynn Boyle. It's beyond terrible.

John Corbett is a disgusting manwhore who cheats on his wife with actual prostitutes and barely speaks to his children (he also pretends to cheat when he can't get erections just to appear more "manly" to his male friends). Jerry O'Connell is supposed to be this great husband and Heather Graham is his go-get-'em career lady wife. Are you following this?

There is a scene at the beginning that is one long fart joke starring Heather Graham... laffffs. Jerry O'Connell wants to have kids but she's all "I have my career!" and farts on him some more. Then she finds out she's knocked up, panics and sees her husband being groped by a gross client of his, takes it totally out of context, decides he's cheating and that she should leave him.

Yup. That's storytelling! He sees that she's pissed when he gets home and that she's unhappy to be pregnant, goes and spends time with his slimeball friend John Corbett and they decide that SHE must be cheating and is knocked up by her boyfriend. Clearly. They then spend 9 months of her pregnancy not talking and assuming each other is cheating while she deals with her job and pregnancy alone. Laffs!!

There is a poignant (?) scene at a Korean handjob parlour. How many movies can you say that about?

So, why didn't this gem ever see the light of the inside of a movie theater? The better question is how did all of these "names" read this total steaming pile of crap and all decide to be in it?

The sad part is how many great scripts will never be made while this movie was made. Someone directed this. Lordy, how does that happen?! Could anyone who made this movie have thought "this movie is hilarious!!" ? I just don't think so. I refuse to believe that there are so many humorless people out there. I mean, look at that poster! They didn't even choose flattering photos for the poster. They took scenes from the movie and faked photos for the poster! That is embarrassing.

All of these actors must sit at home crossing their fingers that no one ever sees this.


A note I found in a drawer.
The Extra Lens and Adultery.
Books are beautiful.
Ira Glass made me feel better about things.
Something that happened yesterday.