On Saturday night Kelly Lynn, Jenni and I cashed in my free drink tokens at La Palapa (excellent margaritas) and KL's free movie passes and had a cheap night out seeing Sex and the City 2 in the East Village.

Firstly, this movie is so long that we all started sobering some amount before it was over. KL did a shot and that makes her the smartest one of us because she was still tipsy at the end. With about thirty minutes left to go Jenni was slapped in the face with the harsh reality of what was happening. I was simply so baffled by the terribleness that I became nearly comatose.

The first movie was campy fun with audiences having a blast... this one had a completely silent audience, barely ever laughing, most likely nodding off. Boooo! Know your audience, Sex and the City!

The main crux of the plotline, if you can call it that, is that Carrie is already worried about her marriage to Big because he likes to stay at home four nights a week and watch tv and eat takeout. She thinks this makes them a boring old couple and starts freaking out. THAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IN HER LIFE!!! God, shut up about your stupid "problems." I am nearly 20 years younger than these ladies and I don't go out 7 nights a week. Who does?!? Especially in this economy. Jesus Christ, you poor thing. Your husband loves you and does sweet things for you and some stupid publishing house somehow paid you to write a book about nothing and you have a crazy apartment that you pay nothing for... I can see why you're bummed about being dealt a bum hand in this life.

OH! My favorite part is when we learn that Carrie has kept her uptown 1br apartment because this is a bad time to sell... so she has an awesome 1br apartment to "write in sometimes." My heart breaks for her.

She has a large 1br (pictured above) with a huge walk through closet, an eat in kitchen (but she doesn't cook you guys, don't try to pigeonhole her!) and windows all over the place, just as a place to go to every once in a while when she needs to write a new chapter in her book about nothing.

So, basically, the movie was a bunch of rich people bitching about things 99% of people would be lucky to have. Samantha is the only one going through something real (menopause) and Miranda is the only normal human being who is just tired of working with someone who treats her like crap (somewhat relatable for many people).

What do these really rich people do in order to escape their problems? Go to Abu Dhabi to live in a 22k a night suite in a Sheik's hotel, of course! Firstly, these are supposed to be empowered women but only Miranda seems to know anything about the Middle East and what it means for them as women. Why would Samantha take any gift from a Sheik? Has she never researched a client before? Has she never heard about how Sheiks treat women or get their riches? Why would she be interested in profiting off that, as an empowered woman? It was weird that we were now supposed to just accept these women as vapid (aside from Miranda who actually did research for their trip and seems to read the news).

At the end I really began to wonder if this movie was going to end with Samantha being executed or imprisoned in Abu Dhabi, which did not seem to fit with the theme of this show in any way. Also, at the end we, the audience, are supposed to be worried that Carrie, so lonely from these nights of take out in her (less than two years of) marriage that she has gone out to flirt it up with her ex... that her marriage may be over. If you can make something so stupid threaten your marriage, you have no business being married. Shut up.

I've never particularly liked Carrie but holy shit, about five minutes into this movie I straight up hated her. I wanted to yell "SHUT UP, CARRIE!" throughout. At one point I accidentally did and got a hilarious agreement from a stranger in front of me. She turned around like she was going to shhh me but then nodded and turned back around. I speak for the people!

The only good part was the part with Liza Minelli in it.