The Lake House- What the Fuck?
2011-02-12/10:38 p.m.

Okay, I admit it, I have watched The Lake House on tv several times because I have grown to have a later-in-life crush on Keanu Reeves. Leave me alone. Anyway, most of it makes no sense and the movie just moves right along as though it does make sense.

I dvr-ed this time and after telling Kelly Lynn three different things that don’t make sense to me I decided to start it over and list the questions I have and the things that confuse me. Time traveling mailbox? I can’t believe either of them buy this premise! I’ve been lied to about things like band practices and work so I can’t imagine a world where I am totally down to believe someone I’ve never met that he’s writing me via a time traveling mailbox. Does that make me sound jaded and closed off? If so, maybe I’m okay with that!

So Keanu, he buys this Lake House and he’s an architect. Sandra Bullock is a doctor and she used to live in the Lake House and asks the new tenant to forward her mail. Simple enough, right?

1. He says that the house has been vacant for years (and later says something like “it was abandoned”) so did she never live there? I know, I know, she is supposed to have lived there after him (TWIST) but he’s not that far in the past so did she only live there for a few months? Why would her connection to this house be so strong? Oh god, I answered my own question- the house isn’t a living being!

So he’s confused and can’t forward her mail because he doesn’t think that she has lived here.

2. Sandra Bullock is hanging out outside with her mom when Keanu is hit by a bus crossing the street and she runs up and tries to help but he dies. Later he seems to know what she looks like but she never knows what he looks like… but wouldn’t she know?

3. Sandra moves to the Lake House because watching this stranger die traumatized her. Keanu writes her a letter and through their letters they discern that THERE IS A TIME TRAVELING MAILBOX at this house. Yes, they agree on this through a test of putting letters in the box. They are both totally okay with this. TIME TRAVELING MAILBOX. Yup.

4. She is living in 2006 and he’s living in like 2004… this isn’t 400 years, this is a closeable gap. Talk about a boring way to time travel, mailbox!

5. He says that he got a dog that just showed up out of nowhere… but it’s her dog. Time traveling dog??

6. She has to go back to her old photos to realize a blizzard happened in 04?? Her memory is garbage.

7. She goes back to the lake house and sees a bunch of mail in the mailbox and is all “thanks for nothing!” (because he didn’t forward her mail as she had asked) and grabs it and leaves... But then is all “maybe we should introduce ourselves?” so she got over her annoyance very easily. She also was very comfortable with the idea of a time traveling mailbox quickly and easily.

8. They are both totally okay with having the same dog and neither questions the fact that their dog is time traveling. They take this fact for granted.

9. I am just going to admit it- when she does the walk that he says he did as a boy and he’s written a message to her on a wall in large graffiti- I find it incredibly sweet.

10. I never had any interest in young Keanu Reeves, but current Keanu is so freaking cute. I would like to touch his hair. Just putting that out there, universe!

11. They both just seem to assume that the letter writing implies a love affair… neither say that though. And also they keep on writing and not just MEETING. Why??

12. His dad built the lake house when he was little? Wait, what? Is that true?

13. He goes to do some train errand for her and he sees her and is all “why didn’t you tell me you’re so beautiful?” HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE THEN? That could easily have not been her. She says as much but then is all “okay, you saw me.” What?

14. Why does she just believe that he knows what she looks like now? Also, I know that 2006 WAS a long time ago but she could have googled him and found a photo immediately. Google did exist back then, people.

15. We find out that they were at a party together years ago and kissed. If their chemistry was so great why does she say “it was just some kiss with a random guy” when talking about it? Wouldn’t it have been a little bit more memorable than that for her? I mean, he says that he loves “Persuasion” during it so I may have actually swooned more than her. (they show it happen in his timeline so he knows what’s happening but she does not)

16. He’s lucky that she’s the only doctor named Kate in Chicago. It has come in handy a few times now.

17. Keanu tries to tell her that he knows her at this party… obviously that is impossible so that doesn’t work. How does she now know it was him now? I mean, just earlier she didn’t realize it… I don’t get it. He tells her but it’s off camera may be how it’s supposed to be?

18. Look how cute Keanu is now, you guys. This helps me look past the fact that he wears a turtleneck to see her at the party (yuck).

19. He gets invited to this party for no real reason- he barely knows Sandra’s boyfriend (they just met because of the time traveling dog) and yet they spend time talking at the party and dance and kiss and she doesn’t once ask “who are you?” Or wonder why he’s at this party.

20. She calls him a “coward” for not saying anything at the party. He explains that he would have sounded crazy and she says “EXCUSES!” hahahahahahahah. Yeah. They actually fight because of this.

21. Oh yeah, turns out his dad did build the house. Shows how much I ever paid attention to this movie! In my mind his mom built it but it turns out it was a gift for her. I am hypnotized by Keanu’s eyes and missing details, whatever.

22. This movie, from 2006, is made as if computers and the internet don’t really exist. Cell phones only barely exist.

23. Wait, so they met at that party and made out like a week ago in his time but two years ago to her… what has she been doing in the interim? Obviously, he’s been living this but she’s had 2 years that apparently nothing has happened during.

24. When he says that he wants to meet her “for real this time” she seems shocked. The truly shocking thing is that no one brought this up before!

25. The snotty woman at the front desk at the snooty restaurant is still the front desk lady two years later. Yeah, right.

26. She just sits at the restaurant- couldn’t he have given her his 2004 cell phone number? Mine has been the same since 2003 when I got my first cell phone number. Why are they acting like he’s wayyy back in time?

27. Also, since she knows what he looks like now, doesn’t she realize that he was the person killed by the bus in front of her hospital?? Why doesn’t she realize that?

28. She is pissed that he never showed at the snooty restaurant and he can’t explain it and she says that was it- the one chance and she’s never doing it again. WHAT? After months of letter writing and supposedly falling in love with him she gave him one chance to meet her, which involves TIME TRAVELING, and since that didn’t work out she’s done?

29. She now brings up the dude who died in her arms while still not remembering his name (!) or what he looked like (!!) but she does remember that it was on Valentine’s Day so it’s not like she has no memory at all.

30. Is the fact that he’s the person who died at the beginning supposed to be a surprise? I knew it every time I have watched this so I guess I never considered that. I was telling Kelly Lynn the basic premise to the movie and she guessed that he was dead… I don’t know.

31. Before this viewing I never realized how much of an instigator/time traveler the dog was before.

32. Keanu goes up to Sandra’s old boyfriend and gives him the keys to the lake house all “it’s what she wants.” This is well before she actually moved in there… doesn’t this throw off the timeline of everything in her story up until now? Why do that?

33. Keanu’s all “she was more real to me than anything I’ve ever known.” I can’t get dudes to think things like this about me and I am actually alive and living in the same time as them. Stupid me, I need to find a guy in 2009 to seduce!

34. How do we jump to living in her new life since 2004 instead? Couldn’t he just call her up in that year since they hit it off at that party? He lives down the road!

35. HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE HAVE A MEETING AT HIS BROTHER’S ARCHITECTURE FIRM AND NOT REALIZE IT’S HIS BROTHER?! Good lord, that’s infuriating. They have the same last name and are both architects!

36. She just realized that he was the guy who died in her arms in 2006… what a freaking dummy and/or terrible doctor.

37. She claims that she didn’t want him to be writing to her but clearly she has been lying to herself because it’s 2008 and she freaks out when she realizes that he died.

38. When he lives I cry. What is wrong with me??

39. She has him wait two years and then come to the Lake House- why 2 years? Because that’s where she is right now? Is this out of convenience? If I was in love and all that I wouldn’t want to wait years for it but I guess only he has to wait, not her. Kind of selfish, Sandy.

40. He is in a turtleneck for the final and most romantic scene; WHY??

The end.

The only thing that is for sure is that this lake house is really beautiful. My crying at the end is even inexplicable! It’s also sending a depressing message that if you can’t find love in your real life, don’t worry, you can find a time traveling Keanu Reeves to love you. That’s not true, ladies! Don’t believe it!

The Actual Lake House

Ack! After the movie they just tore down this house. That is a mega bummer. Also, Sandy saying she would have loved to have made it a “guest house” is just a head scratcher.


A note I found in a drawer.
The Extra Lens and Adultery.
Books are beautiful.
Ira Glass made me feel better about things.
Something that happened yesterday.