Wild Weekend.....not in a good way
2006-01-09/3:06 p.m.

I had an "adventure" this weekend. Firstly, Mike left for LA on Saturday and I accompanied him to the airport and we said our sad goodbyes.

I had been sick a little last week, off and on, having some fevers and some stomach aches that would go away when I took some tylenol. On Saturday I woke up feeling great and had some fun with Mike before heading to JFK. (don't keep reading if you are easily grossed out)

So, I was waiting up until 1am for the plane to land in LA, and I just got sicker and sicker. I actually ordered a pizza but only ate one slice of it, so I didn't think that I had eaten anything too crazy.

But, by 7am I had been up all night throwing up and experiencing some horrible diarrhea. I have never been in so much pain in my life. Then, it got good. I started shaking uncontrollably and wasn't able to move much. I called Mike (he had called me when he landed and was the last person on my id so I could just redial him back) and told him that I thought I was dying and that I didn't know what to do. He told me to call 911. I have never done that before and was hesitant. In the end, I got so scared that he won.

The EMT guys got here (just as I projectile vomited all over the bedroom, classy). They then sort of made fun of me by saying "looks like someone's got the flu....." and then telling me the fevers work themselves out. As though I wasn't embarrassed enough, thanks dudes!

I found this image online when I did a google search for what it turned out that I have. It's pretty accurate except that the mouth could also be marked "exit".

So, I get to the ER and it's at a hospital that is also a heroin detox center. That was interesting. Also, it was almost 8am on a Sunday morning and there were all these drunks that had been brought in to "sleep it off". One was told "you have alcohol poisoning, so no drinking tonight." I don't want to be unsympathetic to the alcoholics, but maybe considering that you have a problem would be helpful. I doubt that guy even took it easy for a night. Kind of sad, but it also must be infuriating for the hospital staff (who aren't addiction counselors).

At this point, it had been like an hour or 90 minutes since I called Mike telling him that I might be dying and he hadn't heard anything since. I feel really badly about that. But the place didn't allow cell phones (though I bent that rule for the rest of the day) and mine didn't have service in the first area I was in. Later he told me that he was really scared- I would have been too if the shoe was on the other foot. Sorry about that!

So, they hook me up to an IV because I was so dehydrated at that point that my blood pressure was insanely low and I was about to pass out. I also got an IV of liquid advil, something for my stomach and later, antibiotics. I get dehydrated really easily and take in a lot of fluids everyday. I tried to warn them.

In the end it turned out that I had an infection in my stomach that was caused by bacteria. They don't know what kind and it could have been eaten, drank, or breathed in so that doesn't really narrow it down. It was tearing through my stomach lining, hello pain!

I was still a little embarrassed about calling the ambulance so I asked the doctor what would have happened if I hadn't called and he said I probably would have passed out at home (where I live alone) and then my stomach would have started filling with blood. At that point I was so relieved that I called and that Mike made me. I just felt like a baby that couldn't handle the flu before or something.

Luds also called some of my friends to see if someone could pick me up. Sharon has a car but lives furthest away. Kim lives close by but doesn't have a car. In the end, they came together. It was super nice of them and I really appreciated it. By the time they got there I was feeling a lot better and there were less scary people around. We picked up my medicine, broth and drinks and then they brought me home.

I must say, knowing that I had the bedroom to clean up, made me less than enthusiastic about coming home. Yuck.

Here is an impression of one of the heroin addicts:
"I need my shot!" man
"Okay, sign here, and let us take a blood sample to make sure that you don't have any heroin in your blood" doctor
Then he does all that
"Here's your shot" doctor
"WHAT THE FUCK?!? 10mg, what is this shit?" man
"It's the legal amount that we're allowed to dispense" doctor
"You think I'm an idiot, you don't have any respect for me" man
"It's the legal amount that we're allowed to dispense" doctor
"I want all of your names! I want them printed out!" man
"You can write down our names, I am not going to print them out" doctor
"Let me see your badge, crazy indian name, I can't write this shit!" man as he tries to grab her badge off of her neck
"Please don't grab for my badge" doctor "the other doctor's name is fransisco"
"Fransisco doesn't mean shit! It's like Smith or Jones and it's BULLSHIT!!" man
"You don't have to write it down" doctor
"Oh, I'm writing it down, that way, when I die later, I'll have your names in my pocket and the police will find you!!" man
"Oh okay, do you still want methadone?" doctor
"Yeah." man
Then the doctor walked away and the man proceeded to blow his nose all over the curtain around his space while he yelled about how no one was going to get away with this and that he has a disease and should be treated as such, he's not just some know nothing addict!

It should be noted that this guy was wearing a courduroy suit and looked like an older jewish man. Not at all like the homeless junkies that were all over the waiting room screaming for methadone. I did notice that he had no socks though.

Now I am home, and feeling better. I ate broth with NOODLES today. Big step. I am also eating saltines. Since Saturday food has not been at all appealing, but today I am actually craving real, solid foods. Hopefully that means that I am feeling better.

Foods that I want to eat right now:
A cheeseburger
A snickers bar (it has been years since I've had one)
Eggs and Toast
A strawberries wild smoothie from Jamba Juice
Brownies from www.brownies.com (hint hint, mike, vday is coming up, hint)
Pumpkin Pie

Maybe by next week I'll make some of these dreams come true!


A note I found in a drawer.
The Extra Lens and Adultery.
Books are beautiful.
Ira Glass made me feel better about things.
Something that happened yesterday.